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Blog: why am I so damn lazy? I want to be creative.

(826 words) 29 June 2018

By S.R.A. Markin

Why am I so lazy? I spent about 2.5 hours in the garage lifting weights while watching youtube videos on how to paint and about starting my own blog, but when it comes to sitting down and actually painting and actually writing something, I spent an hour or more in the kitchen eating roasted chicken then bouncing a ball at my cat.

Sure that sounds like procrastination, but even earlier today when I was about to write a poem, and I was excited to do so, I took a nap. I was also too caffeinated to sleep, so I laid there with my eyes closed thinking I needed the rest before I did anything that involves my brain. Damn brain. This is a common occurrence for me. Naps before anything.

If you are anything like me, you check social media when you wake up, or when you take a crap (why does my phone have to come with me?), or you spend endless amounts of time in the dark in bed scrolling dumb things that don’t even strike you as interesting during the daytime. I am tired of this, and I am trying to change things, just a little. Maybe you are too?

I am very much interested in being creative. Creativity, may it be sketching dumb things on an app, painting a fat cat (not actually on my cat), writing short stories or bad poems and posting it on my website is all little forms of therapy for me; therefore, I find value in these little things, which is great. But, I need more, and in my mind, I know what I need to do, but I don’t take the time to work on it. I have no problem spending endless time working out, or going for walks, but mental tasks, and it is nap time. For example, I have a short story (just less than 30K words which took me about a month or less to get to – I worked hard), and I have wanted to expand on this story for the past 5-months. I have only re-read it, edit a little, and then sat outside trying not to fall asleep. I feel useless, but when I am in school, and there is a deadline, I don’t procrastinate. I get it done, and I do relatively well. Bs and As (I say this and watch, in the fall I will probably get my first C.) Anyway, the point is, there is structure, and I realize I need to structure myself to get work done. But also, I get my assignments done fast, so that I don’t have to stress as much, and, so that I can do other things like checking social media or writing bad poems, besides the endless amounts of school work (why do they stockpile?).

I advise and don’t take advice from me, (you shouldn’t have even read this far), to change habits in small increments. Yes, we have acknowledged we have an issue, check. Now, let’s do something about it. And no, I am not turning off my phone and ignoring it. I am not my ex (whoops). I am challenging myself, and I challenge you too (sucker!), to set 15-20 minutes a day (use a timer on your cell – if you have to), and focus on one of those creative tasks you have put off. If the timer goes off and you have more to give, give it! Keep going. But remember the feeling of working towards something you have put off. It feels great. 15-20 minutes doesn’t seem like much, and I am not going to do the math and show you how much you can do over a year like this. I don’t do math. But, you have given yourself a little structure that isn’t much, hopefully do-able, and you just put in 15-20 minutes into something that has been sitting there untouched for far too long. If you want to get crazy, add another 15-20 minutes of creative work time into the day. Maybe space it out, such as a morning session and an afternoon? (I don’t know your schedule, you can figure it out), but write down your creative time like a schedule and check it off (we feel great checking things off – and yet – feel like crap when we leave it).

The point is creative time matters and making time for it matters too. I know most of you are much busier than me, and I even said not to take advice from me as I have an hour to waste bouncing a ball at a fat cat, but the feeling of doing the work, is a feeling unmatched (haha it sounds cool in my head). Just do the damn work and stop being lazy like I have been.

My cat laid down, and I am going to lay down next to him. Oh, right. . .

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