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poem: you are the best and the worst

(215 words) 28 June 2018

by S.R.A. Markin

i set the alarm clock ahead about 8 hours
and a half, giving me the half to sleep.
it is an hour before 3 a.m.,
i usually go to bed after 3 a.m.
i usually write before bed,
or go on instagram
or netflix
or google dumb shit
sometimes i look up old friends,
i often don’t find much on them.
tonight, i just set the alarm,
i already wrote for hours,
laid on the floor for a while
once the sleepytime tea
and unisom hit,
i just set the alarm
and turned off the lights.
i saw you in the gym,
it was when i had the confidence to flirt
with you.
i trained you on abdominals
we chatted,
and laughed a lot.
i asked you why you trained so hard,
you said, you wanted to be the best.
i took out my earplugs and turned on the light
my heart hurt too much to do this again,
you were the best
and the worst
that i have ever had,
even after this long,
you still make my heart pound,
even if it aches, and i can’t sleep
nor stand the memories
to be in bed with closed eyes
i wonder when these dreams will die.
you will be the best.
i know it.


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