(537 words) 22 Feb. 2018
By S.R.A. Markin
I wanted to text her and tell her that I am sorry, but I am afraid her phone will vibrate and wake her. She needs her sleep, and she deserves a good nights rest.
I have not been a good friend, not the kind she needs right now. She is going through a break-up, and her ex-boyfriend is mentally unstable. He is depressed, and she cares so deeply about his well-being that it is affecting her mental state.
They mutually agreed to break up, at least that is what they tell one another, but her ex-boyfriend makes it seem like it was more her idea.
He gets upset rather quickly, I am told. He isn’t the kind to be violent, but to lash out yelling, usually in public places, which can be degrading and uncomfortable. She attempts to calm him down and to talk in private about these matters, which she seems to accomplish very well. Unfortunately, anything she tries to say ends up going poorly. Often something she has done in the past is thrown back in her face. When she starts crying or gives up fighting with him, that is typically when he starts realizing the pain he is causing and begins to apologizes. He often cries, she told me, and of course, she is too carrying not to try and comfort him; regardless of the pain, he has caused. They make up for a little while, and then back to fighting the next time they are together, and repeat.
As far as I know, they have gone through some shit in their year-and-a-half together, which isn’t a long time, but they have spent nearly every day together before breaking up a month ago.
Although it is not my place to say, she should let him go. He will be fine. What I know from her about him is that he is a loner and does best while being alone. He isn’t the kind to go out of his way to bother someone, especially if they don’t want to interact with him. Sure he is sad, he has every right to be sad, and he will get over this, but you, my friend, you need to take care of yourself. You care too deeply about everyone, and I get that you love him. But in this case, love is not enough. You need to be healthy and strong by having your independence again. This will provide you with time to heal and time to reflect, which of course, you deserve. I am not blaming your ex-boyfriend, nor am I blaming you. It is clear to me, from someone who has listen to you over the past year-and-a-half that you need your time to yourself.
You say that your main concern is for him to be happy, well Sweetheart, neither of you seem to be happy with each other anymore. You told me that he said he wants you to be happy too. Without making this too complicated, you are unhappy together, and there is no reason for it. You deserve to be happy.
And remember, you are not alone. This is time that seems painful, but in the long run, you will be better off.